When Is It Right to Leave a Church?

If you were in the ICC or the RCW, you were probably taught that leaving the church means leaving God. People who left were called "fall aways." Leaving was treated as the worst thing a disciple could do.

So when something is wrong, many people stay far longer than is healthy. They stay because they are afraid, not because they are convinced. Others leave and then spend years wondering whether they sinned by going.

It's worth saying first that not every departure is about sin. Christians move to another fellowship for many good reasons. Some sense the Holy Spirit leading them somewhere new. Some find a church better suited to their children. An older member may simply need a quieter service. If we believe in the universal church, the whole body of Christ, then moving from one congregation to another doesn't need a guilty party. It isn't really leaving at all.

This article is about the harder cases, when something has gone wrong. It isn't a case for leaving every church over every hurt. It's a case for telling the difference between two very different situations.

Being sinned against

Every church is made of sinners, and every one of us will be wronged by someone in it. For that, Jesus gives a clear path. Go to the person privately. If they won't listen, take one or two others. If they still won't listen, bring it to the church (Matthew 18:15-17). The goal is not to win an argument. It's to win your brother or sister back.

Paul adds the posture to go with it: "bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other" (Colossians 3:13). Leaving a church every time someone wrongs you is not what Jesus taught. Most hurts are meant to be worked through, not walked away from.

Being part of a system that sins

Systemic spiritual corruption is something else. It's when the harm isn't one person's failure but the way the church works.

You can usually recognize it by a few marks:

• The same harm repeats, under different leaders and in different places.
• Sin is protected instead of confronted, especially when it involves leaders.
• Questions are treated as rebellion. Raising a concern gets you labeled divisive, bitter or prideful.
• Leaders answer to no one who can actually correct them.
• Leaders claim authority where the Bible is silent. Members are expected to obey on matters God never commanded, such as dating, schedules, giving amounts or where to live (see When the Bible Is Silent).
• Everyone outside is "them." It is rarely said outright, but the message is constant: no one outside the group is really a Christian.
• Leaving is treated as leaving God, so people stay out of fear.
• The harm grows out of what the church teaches, and the teaching itself is never open to examination.

In that setting, Matthew 18 doesn't fix anything, because the problem isn't one person. You can go to an individual, and even win them over, and nothing changes, because the system they serve keeps producing the same results. Unless a church is willing to re-examine what is truly sound doctrine, rather than defend the traditions it has always held, little real change can be expected.

The axe at the root

John the Baptist spoke to exactly this. To the Pharisees and Sadducees who came to him, he said, "Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees" (Matthew 3:10). He was preparing the way for Jesus, who would turn the religious system of his day upside down, starting with what it taught and not just how devout its leaders looked.

Jesus told the Pharisees they had made void the word of God "for the sake of your tradition" (Matthew 15:6). He said they "tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger" (Matthew 23:4). Their problem wasn't a lack of devotion. It was a system of man-made rules, hardened over years, defended with a sense of being right, and enforced on everyone else.

That pattern can show up in any religious institution, including ones that sincerely believe they are restoring the first-century church.

You are not obligated to stay

In that kind of environment, no faithful Christian is obligated to stay. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1).

Think of the man born blind in John 9. After Jesus healed him, he told the religious leaders the truth about what had happened, and they threw him out of the synagogue. Then the text says, "Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him..." (John 9:35). Being put out of a religious system did not put him outside of Christ. Jesus went looking for him.

Leaving one group, one organization or one local church does not mean leaving the Kingdom of God (see What If the Kingdom Is Not the Church?). If we believe in the universal church, the whole body of Christ, then those who leave are still part of it. Setting boundaries is not a sin.

Leaving is not the same as declaring judgment

There is an important difference here.

Choosing to leave, for the sake of your conscience and your walk with God, is a personal decision made before God. Paul says, "Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind" (Romans 14:5).

Declaring another church beyond remedy, and casting those who stay on the wrong side of Jesus, is something else entirely. It claims an authority Scripture gives to God alone. (We look at that more closely in Was the Split "Godly Division"?.)

And leaving one system only to rebuild the same one under a new name doesn't reach the root at all. Read A New Name on the Same Foundation.

Faith after leaving

One of the deepest fears is that leaving will mean losing your faith. Nadine Templer spent 40 years in the International Churches of Christ (ICOC), much of it in leadership and on the mission field, before she left. In her essay "Why my Faith is Stronger after Leaving my Church," she writes that she was "not 'drifting' or backsliding" when she left, and that she has had "zero regrets."

She describes what changed. She finally has time to study her faith, its history and theology, something decades of leadership never left room for. She gives where she sees real need. And she no longer carries the pressure to grow a ministry by the numbers. She and her husband now host a home fellowship where people regularly come to faith. "I do not have to 'make it happen,'" she writes. Her conclusion is simple: "I feel freer than ever, but I still believe in Jesus."

Her story is one of many. Leaving a system did not end her faith. It gave it room to grow.

If you decide to leave

• You don't owe anyone a debate. You can explain your reasons if you choose to, but your conscience before God is enough.
• Keep the peace where you can. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Romans 12:18). You don't need to retaliate against anyone who speaks badly of you (Romans 12:17-19).
• Hold on to relationships that are safe. Some friends will keep loving you. Let them.
• Find a healthy church, in time, where you are free to ask questions and read the Bible for yourself (Hebrews 10:24-25).
• Get help if you need it. Leaving a high-control group can be disorienting. Talking with someone who has been through it can help. We can connect you with someone.

You are not walking away from God. You may be walking toward him with more freedom than you have had in years.

Common questions

Is leaving the ICC or RCW the same as leaving God? No. Leaving one group, organization or local church does not mean leaving the Kingdom of God or the body of Christ. When the man born blind was thrown out of the synagogue, Jesus went looking for him (John 9:35).

Should I follow Matthew 18 before I leave? For one person's sin against you, yes: go privately, then with one or two others, then to the church (Matthew 18:15-17). But when the harm comes from the system itself, winning over one person changes nothing, because the system keeps producing the same results.

How can I tell one person's sin from a system that sins? Look for the pattern: the same harm repeating under different leaders, sin protected instead of confronted, questions treated as rebellion, leaders who answer to no one, and leaving treated as leaving God. When the harm grows out of what the church teaches, and that teaching is never open to examination, the problem is the system.

Am I obligated to stay in a spiritually abusive church? No. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1). Setting boundaries is not a sin.

Will I lose my faith if I leave? Many people find the opposite. Nadine Templer left after 40 years in the International Churches of Christ and wrote that her faith is stronger: "I feel freer than ever, but I still believe in Jesus."